Poem: Americanisms (Why I Don’t Eat Mac ‘n’ Cheese)

I wish to protest at, against and to whomsoever
From the start (not get-go) protest isn’t a transitive verb whatever
And as frequently as we hear oftentimes now instead of often
The past participle of get is still got and
Hasn’t yet become gotten

I clench my ass-cheeks at what used to make my toes curl
It’s certainly (not sure) a big task (not ask) to accept, it’s a whole nother world
And I’m not one to be Scots obscurantist and call it houghmagandie
But I reject being horny while notwithstanding
I retain the right to get randy

And does that give you goosebumps or goosepimples?
It’s awesome and a breeze when it used to be nice and simple
So it goes in an American cultural imperialist Disneyworld pattern
And slut is now a woman of moral laxity
Not a casual domestic slattern

And “arsehole or asshole” depends on misdemeanour or crime:
Martin Amis (not Amish) tells us we are all an asshole at some time
But as he says (being smart – or as we say clever)
An arsehole is always an arsehole
And will stay an arsehole forever

And I won’t stand in line but instead I’ll join the queue
I won’t tell you to go to hell goddam but show the door politely to you
I’ll not flip-flop because it’s a U-turn and I’ll not quit but walk away
And not flip the bird but give two fingers to
The mis-USAges of the US of A.


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